Unexpected Solace
by Waning Lightz
Summary: When you lose the most important person in your life, rarely will anyone understand what you are going through...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This sort of just came to me a couple of days ago and just wouldn't leave me alone. So I thought; why not stopping packing and try and get the first chapter out of your system. I'm a horrible procrastinator. **

**So I think this is an M…only because it might get really explicit next chapter. Also it's more shades of grey and TOTALLY uncharacteristic…? Well who knows how they would react to something like this :P This story'll be short I think, maybe 4 chapters. Depends on if you guys like it I suppose. **

**Um, so warning: Alcohol abuse, character death, and non-graphic sex…that'll change in later chapters and get very graphic. I've tried to not make it TOO DEPRESSING. Hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: Oh my goodness if owned Mai-HiME, it'd be a soap opera, and it would never end. But I don't own it. Everything I own fits in one suit case and a box. Sad. **

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It had all begun as way of remembering her; the meaningless sex we had with each other…

We had started out of sheer desperation; to feel connected to her once again. She had told us that she loved us both before she died. She had told us to take care of each other. Somehow I don't think this is what she had in mind…but that hardly matters; she's gone now.

She had been ripped out of both of our lives so violently and abruptly, it all seemed so surreal.

I had spent the first few weeks trying to fill up the void her loss created in my heart with alcohol. Circling all of the bars and clubs in Fuuka every night, and sleeping all of my days away. Even if I happened to be up during the day, everything had changed.

Well, it had for me anyway. For the rest of the world; the sun still shone, school continued on, people went to work… nothing had changed.

Things that would have only been mildly annoying to me in the past; like lovers holding hands and whispering sweet nothings to one another as they walked down the street, or the laughter and noise of children as they chased one another around; things I wouldn't have given a second glance to normally, now tore me apart.

Pain and anger, it's all I ever felt for weeks on end.

That's what the alcohol was for, to dull the pain and quench the anger. But soon even the alcohol left me…unfilled. They say that time heals all wounds. In my case, it seemed that time only made me feel more hollow…more empty.

Like a shell of the person who I used to be, wearing the same face, the same clothes…but that's all I was, an empty shell. Even to my own ears, my voice sounded robotic; when I did speak that is…which wasn't very often.

Soon even the alcohol left me unsatisfied…so I began looking for satisfaction elsewhere. Instead of going home alone as I usually did, I began bringing men back with me from the bars.

Not to replace her!

I could never replace her…but what I was trying to do was just as bad, I think.

I was trying to forget her.

Forget the pain.

The emptiness.

The loneliness.

The love I still felt for her.

All of it.

But I suppose that's why I always picked men up at the bars. The thought of being with another woman that wasn't her, it made me sick.

No, wait…not all women. I have been with one other woman since Natsuki's death.

Yes that was her name by the way; Natsuki Kuga. But I never called her that…I usually gave her little pet names; like "Pup" or "Mutt." No, they weren't all K9 related…but most were. You see not only was she an avid dog person (which I never really understood, I myself prefer cats…there's less slobber involved when you're dealing with cats) but she made the most adorable puppy faces without even realising it.

Not that I ever told her they were adorable…

Yea, well…pride means squat when the love of your life dies. You know what it's replaced with?

Regret. Lots of it…

Do you want to know how she died?

Motor cycle accident. If you had known her, you would see the irony. No, I'm not being callous, it's just been a while since she died…and I have a dark sense of humour I suppose.

You see riding on her bike; it's when she felt the most alive. The velocity, the wind in her hair, weaving through traffic at dangerous speeds, it's when she felt the most in-tune with the world you could say.

Most alive…

Oh except for sex. Fucking was definitely when she felt the most alive. Natsuki was a very sexual person.

VERY SEXUAL.

We're talking the libido of a rabbit. She could go for hours…and ohhh boy was it good.

That's probably why I had turned to sex as means of escape…I felt as though if I was busy fucking someone else, thoughts of her could stop occupying my mind for a single second maybe. Or perhaps I thought I could imagine her, if I truly lost myself in the act.

Don't know how that last one would work seeing as how Natsuki most definitely did not have a penis. She didn't need one. No matter; nothing they did came close to the pleasure she used to give me; even as they filled me with themselves, I still felt empty.

I still thought of her beautiful raven locks, her striking emerald orbs, her porcelain skin and her wonderfully husky voice.

Images of her haunted me day and night; while I slept, while I was awake, hell even when I was having sex with other people. I could not escape her. My days were a haze of sex and alcohol, and I could not tell which day was which. But still there the images of her were…engraved into my brain so clearly that I could not flee them.

My "escape" came in the form of one Shizuru Fujino. Now, if you knew me at all…you would find that hilariously ironic. I'll try and keep this short and simple.

Shizuru, Natsuki and I have a slightly complicated history with one another.

Sorry…I meant had.

We had a more then slightly complicated relationship - actually even after the Pup had passed away, Shizuru and I still managed to have a complicated relationship all on our own…with Natsuki still in the middle, even in death.

You see, Shizuru had been Natsuki's girlfriend when she had passed away; if you want to get technical. They had been dating on and off since Natsuki's freshman year in High school. I would like to highlight the **OFF** part of my previous statement…because that's where I usually came in.

The Pup and I were practically inseparable, in and out of school. When she was not spending time with which ever girl she was dating, we would be together. We had known each other since childhood.

We were best friends…best friends that often became lovers. We were never more than that. Neither one of us wanted to label what we had…

It did hurt seeing her with other women though, especially with someone like Shizuru Fujino.

I had told myself that it was because those two were complete opposites and that is why it would never work out…and that the only reason they stayed together was out of habit. That there was no love.

Now I'm not sure if the fact that they were so different was the reason they kept breaking up; but I was definitely wrong about there being no love.

But more on how I came to that conclusion later…

The true reason it hurt to see Natsuki with Shizuru was the fact that the woman was the epitome of perfection. Even as a teenager, she had carried herself with the elegance and refinement of nobility. She had been the student council president back when we had all been students at Fuuka Academy. She had also been the captain of the school's martial arts team, a tutor for almost every subject, and the head of the tea ceremony club.

Well rounded in her extracurricular activities, wasn't she? Not that it ever took away anything from her duties as president or her grades. She was the top student at Fuuka Academy.

Oh and did I mention she looked like a goddess…

Yea, you'd expect someone who was that smart and versatile in activities to at least look a little, you know…not hot. Unfortunately, Shizuru Fujino was nothing short of stunning.

At least with all the other girls the Pup had dated, I could pick out the flaws. With her…there were none; except maybe loving Natsuki a little too much, if you could really call that a flaw. That's probably why I resented her so much…because when I compared myself with her; I felt insignificant.

But even with all the hostility I threw at her back then, she was still nothing less than civil towards me, which only seemed to infuriate me more.

…wait…

This explanation is not as simple as I would have hoped.

Why don't I skip to the week Natsuki died?

Natsuki and Shizuru had gotten into a stupid argument, which led to Shizuru packing up her things and telling Natsuki she was staying at her parents' house in Kyoto for a couple of days. The Pup, being the emotional moron that she was told her then girlfriend that she didn't care how long she would be gone…thus beginning another round of arguments leading to them "taking a break" in their relation ship and Shizuru moving out of their shared apartment temporarily.

What had the argument original been about? I don't know…probably something equally as stupid; like Mayo. The Pup had an unhealthy addiction to that…it was gross.

Anyway the only reason I had known about any of this is because as Natsuki's best friend, I was forced to go out and get drunk about it with her, while she rambled non-stop about what an idiot she was being. After a few drinks, I gathered enough courage and silenced her by placing a finger to her lips.

Looking down at the table I told her I had something important to tell her.

She brought my chin up with her fingers so I could meet her brilliantly expressive emerald eyes. I could see the worry in them so clearly, it made my heart melt. "Nao, what is it? Is something wrong?"

I broke eye contact, quickly taking another shot of the Sake we had been drinking. I looked down at the table and then I…mumbled it.

"I'm sorry, what? Didn't get any of that."

"I-SAID-IM-IN-LOVE-WITH-YOU!" saying it louder then I had intended, I managed to get the attention of the entire bar along with Natsuki's.

The bar was completely silent for about 30 seconds, before I recovered enough from the humiliation to send everyone around us the most murderous glare I could summon, while looking like a tomato. I suppose even as red as I was, I still hadn't lost my Nao-factor, because seconds later music had started playing from the speakers and people resumed their chatter once again.

The Pup, however, was another story.

If I resembled a tomato, she could only be described as a looking like a fire truck or maybe the siren on top of the fire truck because her blush looked more like a radiation side effect. Her eyes had practically been bulging out of her sockets and her mouth hung open. I held back the urge to close it for her.

I waved my hand in front of her face a couple of times trying to get her attention, then snapped my fingers next to her ears.

Unresponsive. Having my fill of embarrassment for one night I decided it was best if I head back home. Grabbing my jacket I made a hasty exit out of the bar and onto the main road.

I still remember how I felt that night…all of those different emotions, all intense and yet so wide in spectrum.

I walked away from the bar and into my home feeling dejected. I had finally told her how I felt about her and the stupid Mutt couldn't even say anything. No one was asking for reciprocation (hoping, but not asking) but I hadn't even gotten any acknowledgement that Natsuki had even heard what I said…well except for the cartoonish face she made and the different shades of red her face had turned.

But still. Words would have been nice.

It had been two hours later when I heard my door bell ring.

Looking through the peep hole of my door, I saw a frazzled looking Natsuki pacing around in my hall. As soon as I opened my door, she charged into my apartment without even sparing me a second glance.

Turning towards her I glared, "Rude much, well hello to you too.."

She ignored me, and continued pacing around my living room. She looked a lot more exhausted then when I had seen her at the bar.

"Kuga what the fuck are you doing?"

She stopped and looked at me with a bewildered expression, "You…"

"I-what, Kuga speak properly" I said closing the door.

"You…love me?"

Oh that.

"Oh so you heard, see I couldn't tell on account of you just stared right through me like a fucking moron." I was still angry.

She opened her mouth and closed her mouth a couple of times, before she continued pacing.

"Mutt what the hell, if you're going to walk around all night go do it outside," I said pointing to the door, it was late..and I just wanted to sleep.

She stopped, her body straightening to its full height and her fists clenched fiercely at her sides. She turned towards me, her expression one of fury. "Nao, WHAT THE FUCK?"

It had taken me by surprise; not her language or the volume it was said in…but her expression. Amidst the fierce anger that burned in her eyes there was something else, something that looked like hurt.

She took a few breaths and calmed herself down. She walked towards me and placed her hand on my face, cupping my cheek. She looked me in the eyes; all of the rage from her brilliant emerald eyes, receding.

"I'm sorry." She had said it so softly, I had barely heard it. I was too fixated on trying to read the emotions that were swirling around in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she continued, this time a little louder, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything back in the bar, you kinda took me by surprise" she laughed nervously.

"Well I'm sorry that I sort of blind-sided you…" I said turning away; trying to conceal the flush I had coming on. What I had said at the bar wasn't the only reason I was blushing, it had only occurred to me how close to each other we were standing.

I tried to back away subtly.

Natsuki apparently was not picking up on my discomfort because she seemed to draw closer to me still. Or maybe she did, but just didn't care. My money would be on the latter.

I soon found myself with my back to the front door of the apartment. I was trapped in between it and Natsuki, literally. She was now pressed up against me with both of her hands either side of my head. I could smell the alcohol on her breath and see the glazed look in her eyes.

"How long have you been in love with me Nao?" She asked it so casually that you would think she was asking for the time. It would have angered me, had I not been too distracted by what her hand was now doing to one of my legs.

I normally wore shorts to sleep, so alas there was no clothing to protect me from the assault she unleashed on my thigh.

"How long Nao?"

I blinked. What?

"What?"

"How long have you been in love with me?"

She began massaging higher up my thigh until her hand was lost in the folds of my shorts. I gasped as she found a sensitive area on the inside of my thigh. I had missed this…I had missed us.

Stopping her ministrations, she repeated the question. I whimpered as her hand slipped out of my shorts and down my leg.

Catching my breath I looked down at the floor. "I don't know…a while…"

She lifted my chin and cupped my face once again. She looked at me with an intense gaze, searching my eyes for something.

Stroking my cheek, she began pulling my face towards hers. "You should have told me sooner…" was all I heard before our lips met, crashing into one another with more passion than ever before. Wrapping my legs around her waist; she lifted me up with our lips still heatedly attached and carried me off to my room.

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**AN: So has this got your attention or no? Um, tell me if it got confusing with the POVness, it's my first time attempting to write a while fic in it. Review if you like…if you have any criticism or suggestions I'm open :) **

**Oh also would you like me to keep it Nao's POV or add Shizuru's as well? **

**Hahaha I know I'm teasing you with gaps of stories but it'll all hopefully make sense soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So warning: AU, OCCness. Rated M for Sex, gets a whole lot smuttier later. Also future character death, alcohol abuse and all that M rated Jazz. **

**I don't own MaiHiME :) **

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I must admit that kissing Natsuki had always been amazing, but the night I had told her that I loved her…

It was more than amazing; if that's possible. It was as if the kiss itself had flown into me - into my soul. It had seemed so essential, like if she had stopped kissing me, it would be as if all of the oxygen in the room would be sucked out and I would suffocate, that I would die.

I don't mean to be lame; I'm just trying to be honest. They say that the truth sets you free, that night it sent me flying.

She carried me into my room, impatiently taking off my tee-shirt while I still had my legs wrapped around her waist. Our mouths and bodies became merged, and we touched each other, kissed each other. My desire to make love to her was the only thing I could feel; the overwhelming need to have her in me, and me in her.

She lowered the both of us into my bed, gently, in one fluid motion, finally disengaging her mouth from mine as she panted heavily. She looked down at me, her usually bright emerald eyes, darkening with lust.

"Say it again…" she pleaded.

"I love you."

Her lips were on mine once again, devouring me. Her hands were under my back trying to unfasten my bra. I gasped into her kiss as she began teasing both of my breasts with her hands, after successfully unfastening my bra. Her mouth moved away from mine, trailing kisses down my jaw-line and my neck. She stopped when she found a particularly sensitive spot (indicated by my moaning increasing in volume, I'm sure…) and she began nibbling and sucking that area relentlessly.

She managed to remove my shorts and underwear in one swift motion. One of her hands then began skilfully tempting and teasing one of my hardened nipples, while the other slowly made its way to my inner thigh. Anticipating what was to come, I quickly began to take off her clothes, only managing to remove her shirt before she stopped me.

Pinning both of my hands above me; the raven haired beauty gave me a meaningful look, before gently kissing the tip of my nose. Her features softened, and she smiled at me tenderly.

"Please Nao, let me do this."

And then her fingers were in me and I flew.

I'm sure I had lost any remaining coherent thought I had left when she did, if I had any at all. Hell, the only reason I retained all of this is because that night, and the days leading up to Natsuki's death will forever be carved into my mind.

We had made love three times that night. She repeatedly told me to confess those three words through the night, and I never tired of saying them. She never returned them though, and I didn't want to ask her to, I didn't want to ruin what we had.

I was under the assumption that we had time to figure shit out; figure out what is was I had been so desperate not to ruin. See but what I had not realized was what a "Class-A" BITCH fate could be. If you believe in that sort of stuff that is…

Natsuki's phone rang early the next morning, and because she was such a deep sleeper, I practically had to elbow her senseless before she even mildly stirred awake. By the time she had opened her eyes, she had received two missed calls.

"What?" she grunted.

"Geez no need to bite my head off grumpy-pants; you have two missed calls."

She groaned. She tried to get out of bed, only managing to lift her head off the pillows by two centimetres before dropping it back down with a soft thud. She turned towards me pouting.

"Nao, could you pleas-"

"No."

"But please…"

"No, I'm as comfortable as you are, why should I get YOUR phone, when it's on YOUR side of the room?"

She looked as if she was seriously thinking about the answer to the question I had asked rhetorically. After a few seconds of silence she smirked at me with her eyes slightly darkening like they had the night before. "Because dearest Nao," she said seductively, "I would spend the rest of the day making it worth your while…" her voice was husky and laced with desire. She had finished her statement with a predatory wink.

Needless to say I jumped up from bed almost immediately, which had caused her to chuckle.

Making my way to where her jeans were on the floor, I grabbed her phone out of her pocket and pushed the call log button.

I cringed at the highlighted name.

It was Fujino.

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I remember we sat in silence while Natsuki was tying her sneakers. I was trying to collect my thoughts.

"I'm sorry Nao," she mumbled as she got up to retrieve her jacket from the floor.

"What-ever."

"Please don't be mad," she whispered softly with her back turned towards me, "Please, I…" she sighed lifting her head to stare at my ceiling.

"You what?" I yelled fuming.

She said nothing.

I stood up and walked towards her, trying to calm myself down before my temper got the better of me. I did not want to get too emotional.

When I was at arm's length I forced her to turn towards me and held her gaze.

"I tell you that I LOVE YOU and you leave the second Fujino calls…" my voice had been quiet but it still carried the harsh tone I had wanted it to convey.

It looked as if she had been assaulted by a blitz of emotion, her face wincing. Her emerald pools reflecting her confusion in regards to what she should do.

Her eyes told me that she was torn.

She, however, kissed me on the forehead and walked out of my apartment.

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The next time I had seen Natsuki was at our mutual best friend Mai Tokiha's restaurant - she was wrapped in the arms of none other than Shizuru Fujino. Saying that my heart broke into a million little pieces would be an understatement.

If I were to say Shizuru and Natsuki had run over all million pieces of my heart, with an 18 wheeler, repeatedly, until there was nothing left but dust; that would be more in the right ball park.

You may think that I'm being over dramatic, but at the time, that is how I had felt. I had finally confessed to my best friend - _since childhood_, that I had been in love with her. She didn't reject me, and we had the most mind blowing sex ever.

There she sat, in front of me, not even 12 hours since said mind blowing sex, in another woman's arms. Not just any woman mind you; goddamn Fujino's arms. And she looked like there was no place she would rather be.

I wasn't unjustified in feeling crushed was I?

"Hey Nao!" shouted the group of people sitting around the "happy" couple.

I walked further into the restaurant, sending a sharp glare towards Natsuki, before smiling and acknowledging the rest of the group. I took the empty seat next to Mikoto and began listening to her animatedly talk about some of Mai's amazing new ramen recipes, while stealing subtle glances of Natsuki.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Natsuki squirm out of Shizuru's hold, while the Kyoto born brunette raised an eyebrow in confusion. I must admit that Natsuki's anxiousness gave me some satisfaction, however miniscule. That although I wasn't hurting her as much as I was hurting at that moment, at least I was making her feel uncomfortable.

Hey, I take success where I can in life…

Though my internal self-satisfaction did not last long.

"Oh gosh, you guys are still as lovey-dovey as you were in High School," cooed Aoi as she looked at both Shizuru and Natsuki.

"Yea, when are ShizNat not lovey-dovey," Chie interjected before Natsuki could respond to Aoi's remark.

Oh yea. Our circle of friends - no make that the better part of Fuuka, has dubbed the "happy" couple as ShizNat. Get it. Shizuru and Natsuki, smooshed together. Doesn't it make you wanna throw up rainbows and butterflies?

Chie quickly dodged an empty paper cup that Natsuki threw her way, but could not see the second she had thrown which landed squarely on her forehead.

"Hey," Chie said grabbing her own empty paper cup as retaliation, "what was that for?"

"We are not ALWAYS lovey-dovey!" Natsuki exclaimed.

"No, just when you're awake."

As Natsuki drew her arm back to throw her cup at Chie, Shizuru grabbed it out of her hands. "Surely," she started in that drawl of hers, "Natsuki does not mind being "lovey dovey" with me, does she?"

Natsuki tried to grab the cup from her hands, but Shizuru had placed it behind her own back and out of Natsuki's reach, causing the Mutt to give her a pathetic pout which I probably would've found adorable, had this whole "ShizNat" conversation not been so damn annoying.

Natsuki leaned over Shizuru trying to grab the cup, "Not at all, but I wouldn't want everyone to think I was going soft," I could hear her whisper to Shizuru their faces merely centimetres apart, which made my heart rate speed up a little.

"Mmm," Shizuru hummed as she dropped the cup she had been holding to caress the Mutts face, "No I wouldn't want anyone knowing how soft my Natsuki is…"

It made me feel sick, the way Fujino was looking at her, and the way the Mutt was gazing back. Like the only thing that mattered in the universe was them.

I knew what was coming and tried to look away or excuse myself conveniently and go to the bathroom, but I couldn't find my voice or move my head. I sat there, blatantly staring, trying to catch my breath as my heart began to hammer furiously.

And then they kissed.

A kiss so intimate, that everyone seemed to stop what they were doing and stare at them, while blushing. They had made everyone feel as if they were intruding during a private moment, while it was their fault for kissing in public. The power of ShizNat, I guess.

I felt myself stand and whisper an 'excuse me'. I also felt the back of my eyes begin to sting. I willed the tears to stay in their ducts, till I got to the bathroom as I sped up my pace. I glanced at the floor trying to avoid eye contact with anyone I might know as I walked down the hall.

Rushing to the sink, I quickly splashed water on my face, repeatedly. Leaning over the sink I tried to get my heart to stop beating so rapidly, while I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot ,but apart from that I didn't look too bad, except for the crestfallen expression I had been wearing.

I tried to tell myself to snap out of it, that it didn't matter if the Mutt was with her Princess. That they probably deserved each other, and that I deserved better. That I didn't really love her, I just thought I did.

I steadied my breathing and let out a string of curse words.

"Um, everything okay Nao?"

Startled, I turned around so fast I nearly tripped over my own feet. There next to the furthest stall, stood Mai.

"No, I think you just gave me a heart attack," I replied in a sarcastic tone.

Mai is like the mother in our circle of friends. Lying about emotions gets you nowhere with her, when confronted – we all learned early on, divert the conversation.

"Well you're always so easily scared," she teased walking to the sink and washing her hands.

"Am not, I didn't even hear you come out, did you forget to flush?"

"Even If I had, it's my restaurant, am I not entitled to leave a few toilets un-flushed?"

"Oh fucking gross Mai, isn't that a health violation or something? Should I be worried about the food?" I cringed at the thought; I had eaten at her restaurant practically every day since it had opened. Hell, the place was frequented by more than half the city and its fair share of tourists regularly.

She laughed, walking over to the paper towel dispenser, "Have no fear I flushed…you didn't hear it."

Scoffing I asked how that could even be possible, the bathroom wasn't large.

She had looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes, "I think you were too busy cussing out your reflection to notice," she said, throwing her paper towel in the garbage bag.

I winced and then turn red. I had managed to trap myself in the conversation I was trying to avoid.

"So," Mai began, sobering up from her previous mirth, "want to tell me what that was all about?"

I paused, hoping to stall long enough so that maybe someone would come into the bathroom and we could stop this dreadful conversation.

Obviously no one came. Pfft, like I would be that lucky.

"No," I sighed, "Not really."

There was a long, awkward pause while she had looked like she was considering something.

"Nao…," She said my name carefully.

I grunted in response.

"Does this have anything to do with Natsuki?"

This time I was silent and it was her turn to sigh.

"Nao, why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

"Really? We're going to have this conversation-" I was interrupted by someone bursting through the door.

Ha, and of course it would be Natsuki.

All three of us stood there, waiting for someone else to begin speaking. There was a lengthy and uncomfortable silence before Mai's voice cut in.

"Well I should get back to the Kitchen," Mai said making a hasty retreat.

I think we stood there for about two minutes before I let out a soft, "Hey."

"Hey, Nao." She said equally as soft.

And then we fell into our uncomfortable silence once again. I didn't know what emotions she was wrestling with, but there were many urges I was fighting; and possibly losing to, just by standing alone with her in the bathroom.

The strongest right now, was the urge to punch her.

"I'm sorry," she said moving towards me, but stopping when she saw me moving away. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

I let out a laugh. I cruel, raw bark that caused her to flinch.

"You didn't mean for what to happen, exactly?" I asked sardonically, "You didn't mean for last night to happen, or getting back together with Fujino?"

She stayed silent, wrapping her arms around herself as if she was subconsciously shielding herself from me.

"Tell me, did last night mean anything to you?" I said trying not to cry. I turned away from her not wanting to show her how vulnerable she made me.

"NO," she exclaimed, coming up behind me, putting her arms around my waist, and pressing herself against my back, "Yesterday meant everything to me."

I could feel her kissing the back of my head. Her scent assaulted me, her touch was bordering on torturous. I moved a few paces away from her.

"Then why?" I asked, the tears now flowing freely, "Why would you go back to her?"

"…Because I love her."

"So why would you sleep with me?" I screamed at her, the anger and frustration taking hold, "God..," I let out a sob, "You know what the sad thing is, I probably love you as much as you love her…" I walked past her and opened the bathroom door.

"Nao wait," she grabbed me just in front of the bathroom door before I could walk down the hall and back to the seating area of the restaurant, "Let me explain-"

"What is there to explain?" I said, almost defeated, "You love her – not me, let me go so I can forget this ever happened and you can go back to your perfect relationship."

She kissed me, with as much passion as she had the night before. She kissed me until my lungs burned and I gasped for breath, and even then her lips remained on my face, kissing my tears away.

"Nao, don't you think I would have stopped myself by now if I could have?" she whispered looking into my eyes.

I searched her emerald pools, gasping at the sincerity I saw within them; that I heard in her voice.

"I love Shizuru," she sighed, looking up, trying to reassure herself perhaps, "I do, I have loved her for the past 4 years, and even while we were in separate relationships, I thought of only her."

She paused, looking at me with a thoughtful smile.

"But last night – this morning – ALL DAY I have been thinking of you and asking myself whether I could love you, the way that you love me."

"And can you?" I asked holding my breath wanting so desperately for her to say yes. For her to tell me that I had a chance.

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**Sorry for the cliffhanger. Also i'm trying very hard to not make any of the characters look like the bad guy...please tell me what you think. **

**Also later chapters will be Shiz point of view.**

**Criticism is welcome as long as it's constructive and not a "YOU BITCH WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SHIZNAT, IMMA SHANK YOU!"**


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